


i think i've seen this film before

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Multi-Chapter Fics [8]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Domestic Violence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25937434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: The 118 is a family, so when Chimney's suspicions about Buck's sister is confirmed after he meets her husband, he promises he'll do anything to be there for her. Even if it means losing his friend and colleague..Alternate Universe where Maddie and Doug moved to LA before Buck joined the 118.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Maddie Buckley/Doug Kendall, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Multi-Chapter Fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815556
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jessie2126](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessie2126/gifts).



Maddie had been laughing and smiling as they walked out of the hospital – her, having just gotten off a gruelling twelve-hour shift, whilst he had waited around for half-an-hour after being patched up by her under the guise that he couldn’t let her walk to her car alone at night. Chimney knows it’s wrong, he knows he absolutely should not be having any feelings towards a married woman, especially a married woman who is related to a colleague he considers a friend.

Having feelings doesn’t mean he has to act on them though.

They also don’t mean he can’t act like a gentleman and a decent friend.

The woman is complicated, to say the least. She doesn’t attend many 118 events but when she does, it’s always without her husband. She always seems comfortable to be around them, her smile is bright and she can make him laugh so easily. Even better, he can make her laugh and he could listen to that laugh all day. Despite all of that, he can tell she’s still holding something back, she can be shy at times, he knows _nothing_ about her husband or her life at home.

“I really can’t believe you go into burning buildings, do dangerous cliff side rescues, work in earthquakes and bush fires and you fell down the stairs at the station because you were messing around with—” Maddie trails off at the sight of a man hovering by her car, and suddenly everything about her demeanour completely changes. He practically sees her face pale, her shoulders suddenly tense and whilst she had been walking next to him, suddenly, she’s putting space between them.

The teasing tone of her voice and the smirk on her lips is so quickly replaced by a fearful expression on her face as she stops walking. He swears her hand is trembling before she clenches it around her bag and pulls it closer to her body, “Doug, what are you—I thought you were away for a conference?”

The recognition of the name of the man he had never met in the three years since Buck had joined the 118 and subsequently, they had met his big sister. There was something about him that he couldn’t quite place – the darkness of his eyes, the glare on his face, the slight smirk on his lips as though he was trying to smile but couldn’t quite manage it.

“Clearly.” The bitterness of his tone strikes Chimney first, before he holds out his good hand for the other man, only for him to reach for Maddie instead, placing a protective arm around her waist. She’s gone quiet, eyes making contact with nothing other than the ground before she takes a deep breath.

“I’m Chimney, I work with Buck.” At least the grip on Maddie loosens a little after he introduced himself; he’s not stupid, he’s seen the signs before, this isn’t new information but it’s confirmed in his mind now. He’d heard Buck’s suspicions, seen the look on Athena’s face at times as Maddie tried and failed to cover up yet another black eye (it was just a panicked patient, she had told them more than once). The look on Doug’s face and the terror on Maddie’s that she’s trying so hard to cover up but his unexpected visit has thrown her. “I uh… was just walking her to her car, she took such good care of me, least I could do.”

“Oh, she did?”

He can tell by immediate look on Doug’s face that he’s said the wrong thing, gulping down the lump in his throat before he steps back. “I should head off, it was nice meet you, Doug.”

“It’s Dr Kendall.” The seriousness to his tone, the way Maddie has been pulled even more into his body, his hand gripping tightly around her upper arm, causes Chimney to pause for a second. He doesn’t know what he would say or do though, biting down on his lip before he takes a breath.

“Right, sorry, Dr Kendall.” He longs to say goodbye to Maddie, but imagines it might not end well for her, so instead, he forces a smile and takes out his phone when he walks away, figuring she definitely wouldn’t be giving him a lift home now.

“Hey, Hen, can you pick me up from the Emergency Room? I know I asked you to leave but—yeah, I’ll tell you when you get here. Thanks…”

. 

Maddie flinches when Doug aggressively yanks her bag from her arm, digging through for her car keys as her eyes watch Chimney walking away. She wonders, for just a second, what he would do if she called out for him and asked him for help. It was too late though, Doug was standing next to her and Chimney was practically on the other side of the car park, any shout for help would only end in disaster for her and maybe Chimney, too.

It’s not as though she hasn’t thought about leaving, really, she’s left several times before but it always ends the same. And now that Buck has moved to LA, she has someone who can get caught in the crossfire when the entire point of them moving so far from home was so he could have her away from everyone she knew. She shudders when she remembers the night Buck had turned up at her door, a coy smile on his face and a bag thrown over his shoulder as he announced he’d applied to join the LAFD. Doug had faked a smile, shook his hand a little too tightly before the true extent of his anger had been unleashed the moment her little brother had left.

The only plus side for him was that it was easier to manipulate her the moment he brought her brother into it. Maddie was his big sister, she’d die to protect him and even more so, she was so ashamed of herself, she’d die to protect him from the truth so she would ever have to see an ounce of shame or disgust in her brother’s eyes aimed towards her.

“I can’t even trust you at work now.”

Maddie resists the scoff that builds in her throat, that defiance still there as their eyes meet. She’s the first to look away though, she always is, watching as his hand moves to open the car door before he pushes her inside. He’s _never_ trusted her at work, he barely trusts her inside the house and when she was younger, it was nice. She felt protected and loved, she felt as though the way he treated her came from a place of fear, that he loved her so much that he was terrified of losing her. It had felt like a compliment, until it wasn’t.

“I-I’m sorry.” The words fall from her lips before she can stop them because she knows she has nothing to apologise for. Or maybe she does. Maybe he really does know what goes on inside of her head and maybe she should apologise for being anywhere near Chimney. She’d never act on her feelings, she’d never risk his life, knowing that if Doug ever so much as thought for a second she was actually cheating on him, neither her or that person would survive his rage. Her head snaps towards the drivers side when she watches him get in, “I love you.” She tries, her voice barely a whisper before his hand clasps around her long hair and yanks her towards him with unexpected force causing her body to lurch forward.

There’s a smirk on his face, as though he enjoys hearing the whimper of pain from her lips (he does it so often, she supposes he must enjoy it), before he lets go and instead, slams his hand against her face. It was enough to force her head to snap back, hitting the window as she lets out a hiss of pain. Part of her hopes someone is walking past enough to hear the sounds coming from the car, or at least close enough to see it but another part of her doesn’t know what he would do if he got caught in the act. They’ve been together sixteen years, not once has he actually been _caught._ Only ever suspected. That was the reason they packed up and left Hershey in the first place, too many people had been catching onto what went on behind closed doors.

“Do you, Maddie? I do everything for you, I love you so much and I come home to you flirting with someone else? Why do you always do this to me?!” It was her fault, she could see that now, it was easier to see things his way, it allowed her to disconnect from the situation a little easier. Acceptance was always better than trying to deny anything he says, she had learnt that the hard way.

Her mind wanders to Chimney, terrified that her reaction to her husband had been too obvious. Was he on the phone to her brother right now? Did he hate her for being so… weak? Tears sting at her eyes as she looks out the window at the space where Chimney had been standing moments before, although it already seemed like hours. “I-I’m sorry,” She finally whispers again, “so sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“That’s what you always say, but you just can’t help yourself, can you?” The engine starts and she finds herself letting out a breath she hadn’t even realised she was holding, as her entire body trembles.

Her head shakes, biting down harshly on her lip before she dares herself to look at him as he moves the car into reverse, “No, I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s my fault. I-I’m so sorry, I’ll do better. I promise.” At least the tension in his shoulders ease, his grip on the steering wheel falters before he looks at her.

“Did you miss me, Maddie?”

No. “So much.”

“You need to stay away from him, I saw the way he was looking at you. Not that I can blame him, you’re gorgeous.” In stark contrast to the way his hand had aggressively slammed against her face, he places a hand on her cheek, over the already forming bruise. His thumb brushes affectionately over the skin, a dangerous smile on his face when she nods her head, bottom lip trembling when he brushes away the tears that spill over.

She can tell the anger still lingers, even more so when his fingers drop to her hair and he clutches at the strands a little too tightly. It’s not over. Whatever he has planned as he turns his attention to the road… it’s not over.


	2. Chapter 2

Chimney doesn’t know if what he is doing is the right thing. Maybe he should leave her alone, maybe he should forget the suspicions that cause an uncomfortable tension to rise from his stomach, to his chest. The conversation with Hen hadn’t alleviated any of his concerns, not when she had agreed with him wholeheartedly. Even she had told him to stay away, that – whilst she wanted to hep – it wasn’t the kind of situation anyone should get themselves involved in unless the victim wanted help.

She hadn’t been there to see the look of fear on Maddie’s face though and… she was family. Although one conversation wasn’t going to magically make everything disappear (even if he wishes it could), maybe he could let her know that he’d be there. If she needed him or wanted him, he’d be there.

He feels awkward standing in the breakout room, knowing he needed to speak to her privately and more than willing to wait for her all day if he needed to. He’d asked another nurse to tell Maddie he was there half-an-hour ago and there was still no sign of her. She could just be busy, she did manage an Emergency Room. The regret that builds inside of him is sudden, but he shakes it off – he has no other choice, there’s nowhere else he can ask her where the risk of her husband catching them is minimal.

“You’re still here.” He looks up when she finally walks into the room, her face heavy with make-up and her hair that was always tied up, hang over her shoulders. Whilst her voice is usually warm and inviting, this time it’s cold, emotionless. There’s a glare on her face and he’s entirely certain that her eye is swollen, his heart sinking when he tries to imagine what happened when he had left her the day before.

Chimney’s entire being was about helping people, especially those he cared about and Maddie, through an extension of Buck, was a part of the 118 family. A lot of people cared about her, and whilst he knew what happened in her marriage was none of his business, he was more than happy to make it his. Partly through his own underlying trauma, wondering if maybe life could have turned out differently for his own mother had someone tried to help her long before her cancer diagnosis.

Slowly, he stands up, taking a step towards her, only for her to take several back, “Whatever you think you saw or felt last night, you’re wrong.”

“I don’t think I am.” He doesn’t know where the confidence comes from, but he can’t push past the way he feels about her husband any longer. It was strange that he didn’t make any effort with her brother or her friends, even stranger when she would rush outside of any party to answer a call (he’d heard her lie on the phone more than once that she was just sat home) but what he witnessed last night was all too familiar for him. Childhood memories long since pushed to the back of his mind had reverberated through him so clearly, haunting his dreams all night.

The confusion on Maddie’s face is evident for a second, before she shrugs her shoulders, “Why are you even here, Howard? I’m Buck’s sister, I’m nothing to you. Why do you even care? Or is it just—a damsel in distress thing? Because I am fine. I am happy. He loves me.”

The words are robotic, as though she’s said them a thousand times before, refusing to make eye contact with him as she sinks down onto the nearest chair, resting her head in her hands. “It’s really nothing to do with you.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t care.”

“Why?”

The single question causes him to sink down in the chair across from her as he frowns, “Why not?” Chimney stares at her, he’s dealt with hundreds of victims of domestic violence in his time as a paramedic, so he knows he can’t push too hard. He can’t go running to her brother and tell him what he knows to be true because Buck would react before he could think and then they’d probably lose Maddie forever. Doug was a renowned heart surgeon who could probably get work anywhere in the country, he could move her as far away from LA as he wanted and then she’d truly be alone.

Her arms drop to the table, causing her sleeve to ride up a little, revealing finger shaped bruises dark against her pale skin, around her wrist. When she doesn’t make a move to pull her sleeve down, despite the fact she knows he’s seen, he takes a breath and nods his head. It takes every bit of control within him not to lunge forward and examine the bruise closer, not ask her a thousand different questions about other injuries she’s hiding.

“It was my fault.” Chimney opens his mouth to say something, but she’s no longer looking at him, fingers tracing along the bruise on her arm as she fixates on it. Silence is his best friend right then, in the hopes she’ll open up and see he’s still going to be sitting there in the end, as her friend. “He loves me, he just… he’s so stressed at work and—I wind him up. I-I give him excuses, if I were a better wife, he wouldn’t have to…”

He wants to reach for her hand and tell her she’s wrong, but what use would those words have when she’s been in a relationship for close to two decades with a man who convinced her otherwise? Instead, he takes a deep breath, just to let her know that he is listening, fingers clasping around the edge of the table in an attempt to stop himself from either reaching for her or going to find Doug himself.

“It’s not always bad, there’s good moments too and I’m not stupid, I-I know… I’ve seen enough in the ER. I know how this ends. I know what I say to other women and men who walk through those doors but it’s not the same. He really does love me, no one has ever loved me before.” Chimney chews down harshly on his bottom lip until he can taste blood in an attempt to stop the tears from falling down his face. It’s easy to push aside any romantic feelings he has for her and just stare at the woman in front of him and see someone who needs help but hasn’t accepted it yet. “You think I’m stupid.”

“No. God, no… Maddie. I’ve never thought that about you.” His answer is quick to fall from his lips as he shakes his head, “I just—” He’s terrified of saying the wrong thing as he scrambles through every thought in his head to try and think of something, anything he can say that won’t force her to go running from the room “I’m here, do you understand? Whatever you need—I won’t judge, I’m not going to ask you to leave him. You can call me, text me, pop by the station. Doesn’t matter how late or how early it is, if you ever need help, I want you to know you can come to me.”

The confusion flashes on her face as though no one has ever said those words to her before, eyes wide before her bottom lip trembles and she stands up. “You won’t tell Buck?” She whispers, and he can see the embarrassment on her face before she looks down.

“I won’t tell Buck. Do you—do you need me to look over any injuries, Maddie?”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet but… thank you, Howie.”

He moves to stand up as he nods his head, knowing better than to push the subject, “Anytime, Maddie, anytime.” He emphasises his words, his eyes looking into hers before she forces a smile and gives a timid nod of her head.

It’s not enough, he’d rather run to her brother and tell him exactly what is going on in his sister’s marriage, knowing Buck would carry her out of there kicking and screaming. He also knows that there’s a very real chance he’ll lose any friendship he has with the youngest Buckley if he finds out he knew and never told him but if Maddie needs time and the knowledge someone is on the outside, willing to help, then it’s a risk he needs to take.


	3. Chapter 3

The station is one of the few safe places that Maddie knows. The one threshold Doug won’t cross because the building is simply filled with too many people who could, quite easily, stand between him and Maddie. One of those people being her brother, who she knows, if he found out the truth about her marriage, would destroy the other man without a single thought for himself. In a way, having him around makes the secret easier to keep, she’d spent his entire childhood trying to protect him, she’d taken it into adulthood.

Asking for help isn’t easy, not when she has been betrayed so many times in the past by people she considered to be friends and her own mother. Each of them telling her that he was her husband, sometimes couples argued. But Chimney hadn’t done that, she hadn’t even seen a hint that she was being dramatic in his eyes – he’d just accepted, and not pushed her. She hadn’t even heard from him in a few weeks.

Maddie nervously bites down on her bottom lip as she walks into the familiar place, nervously looking around until her eyes settle on Chimney who’s already hovering near the always empty Captain’s office. She knows that her brother isn’t on shift for another two hours, which means Chimney had taken time out of his day to get to work early and she feels simultaneously grateful and embarrassed at the same time.

The night had been long, his anger had been unrelenting after he had been berated at work for losing a patient. Somehow, it had been her fault and through his shouting, punches and kicks, she had started to believe him. It was just better that way, she supposes.

When she had woken up on the bathroom floor, the door still locked, all she could think about was how she had to leave. It wasn’t the first time the thought had occurred to her, it probably wouldn’t be the last. He was getting worse, it had never been _good_ but his anger was merciless. Maddie was almost certain he’d kill her within the next year if it carried on. Their neighbours had already called the police five times that month, and they were only partway through.

Damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. Either way it’s going to end the same way.

Maddie gulps as she takes a timid step towards where Chimney stands, wondering if she should turn around and go home. It wasn’t safe but it was safer than the possibility of getting caught. “It’s okay,” Chimney finally breaks the silence, causing her to blush in embarrassment when she realises she had been staring at him from a distance, “I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, just let me check you over, okay?”

There’s something about the calmness of his voice that forces her to step forward, slowly slipping past him into the room before she takes a breath. The easiest thing to do is detach herself from the reality of her own situation, pretend as though it’s happening to someone else… another patient, another stranger. “I-I can’t go to the hospital, he’ll know.” He nods, as though he already knows this, “I want to leave him, you know? I just don’t how. He’s been my world for sixteen years. I’ve never—I don’t remember being anyone other than his girlfriend or his wife. I’ve never been on my own and I don’t have anywhere else to go other than LA. Buck is here, my job is here, my friends—”

She doesn’t want him to think any less of her and she can’t quite explain why, her entire body trembling as she leans up against the desk in the middle of the room.

Chimney only nods his head as he walks towards her, carefully resting the bag next to her as he frowns, “But you do—you _want_ to leave?” The uncertainty in his voice causes her to flinch, doing her best not to burst into tears.

“I hate him.” She finally admits, “I-I used to love him, of course I loved him, I wouldn’t just stay—and I don’t know when I stopped. But I’m stuck, I don’t—he’s everything, he’s made himself everything. I don’t have any friends—”

“You have us.”

“I’m not—you’re Buck’s friends, you love him, you’re all a family. I’m just his sister who turns up to parties when my husband is out of town.”

A flash of hurt crosses Chimney’s face as he looks at her, his head shaking, “Buck’s family, yes but that makes you part of this family, too. Look, I can’t stand here and promise that if you leave him, everything will be okay. But I can, without a doubt, tell you that you have an entire family behind you who will do everything to keep you safe.”

“He won’t ever let me leave. If I leave, he’s going to kill me. If I stay, he’s going to kill me.”

Her eyes follow Chimney’s every movement as he reaches in the bag to pull out a first aid kit, biting down on his lip as though he’s thinking. When he speaks, his words are slow, as though he’s thinking about each and every single word to ensure he doesn’t say the wrong thing, “If you stay, he’ll kill you but if you leave… there’s a chance. I can—if you’re ever ready, talk to Athena with you?”

“Maybe.”

It’s not a yes or a no, so he accepts the answer with a tight smile before she moves to carefully lift her top. “He uh, I think he broke a few ribs, I don’t really remember much but um, when I woke up he had gone to work and it was—it was bad, last night, really bad. I um, don’t know how long I was passed out for. I didn’t know what else to do, who else to call, I just…” She nods her head when he looks at her for permission to touch her stomach, hissing in pain as he does.

Maddie’s bottom lip trembles, tilting her head away as she tries so hard to stop the tears from falling, her fingers clenching around her top tightly before she takes a breath. “How did I let this happen? I should have—I could have, I-I don’t know how this happened. One minute I’m nineteen and I’m falling in love with this wonderful, intelligent, loving man and the next I’m thirty-five and I’ve locked myself in the bathroom as my husband screams at me from the other side because he had a bad day at work and somehow that’s my fault.” A bitter laugh falls from her lips and she shakes her head in disbelief, “I thought I was better than all those women who came in to the hospital, I judged them, wondered why the hell they didn’t just leave. Even when Doug was hitting me, it wasn’t the same, I didn’t think it was the same—”

Chimney doesn’t say a word, letting her talk as he silently asks permission to pull her top over her head, which she grants by dropping her hand from the edge of her top. “It didn’t start like this, you know? He—he was so good at the start and Buck and I didn’t have the best childhood, our parents weren’t loving people. He knew all the things to say and do and I fell for him so quickly. I was in a car accident when I in college, my friend was driving… she was a little drunk and… I broke my leg. When I woke up in the hospital, he was crying and he proposed to me and I said yes because—he loved me so much, he was crying for me… and then I moved in with him because I needed a lot of help getting around and he was so amazing, so kind… patient. He was perfect and I didn’t even notice until the wedding that I didn’t really have any friends anymore, my parents and my brother hated him and—I didn’t even care.”

Maddie watches Chimney’s face carefully, looking for signs that he thinks any less of her, he focuses on the bruising around her stomach before his fingers lightly trace along her collarbone. “I think your collarbone might be broken or fractured.”

“It’s an old injury.” She whispers, “Didn’t heal well.”

He tries to hide the tears in his eyes to no avail, frowning as his fingers move down her arm, littered with bruises, towards her aching and swollen wrist. “Do you think people can change?” She finally asks, desperate eyes searching for his but he keeps his attention on her injuries, reaching for a bandage as he bites his lip.

“I think… if people want to change, then it’s possible.” Finally, his eyes meet hers, “This isn’t your fault, Maddie. None of this is your fault.”

“I wish I could believe that.”


	4. Chapter 4

Maddie would describe the past few weeks as the closest to peace she’s had in a while. Deep down, she knows that the peace and quiet only means the storm is brewing but she finds herself clinging onto it anyway. She knows that she needs to leave, that it’s only a matter of time before he snaps, she knows that the good times definitely do not outweigh the bad… not anymore.

Doug very rarely wants to go anywhere that’s not on his terms, especially when her brother is involved but the station Christmas meal seems to pique his interest in a way it hadn’t in the years before. It was usually a source of tension between the two but Buck was her brother, she was all the family he had and somehow, being there for him at Christmas even for just an hour, meant enough to her that she would insist and deal with the consequences when she got home. It was only an hour but to Buck, it was everything.

She should have known something was going through her husbands mind, she had known him for long enough, sometimes, she even thought she knew him well enough to recognise what was going through his head or know when he was about to snap before he did. She should have recognised the way his hand gripped onto hers a little too tightly as they walked into the station, how he had been smirking the entire drive over. At times, he took so much joy in acting to the world as though he loved her in the kind of way that left other women swooning and men feeling irritated. He would make overt gestures of adoration in the form of constant compliments, always touching her, the biggest, most expensive bunch of flowers.

And then there were other times, when he seemed to find joy in humiliating her, knowing no one would say anything because he was her husband and no one ever wants to get involved in martial arguments. It seemed as though she had gotten too comfortable around her friends at the 118, comfortable enough that Doug had noticed and it was time to put her in her place, time to remind her that he had all the control. His grip is tight on her leg as they sit at the table, and already she can feel her brother’s glare on her husband and if she hadn’t wanted to be there for him so badly, if she hadn’t made such a big deal of being there, she would have made her excuses.

He’s barely made conversation with any of the people around them, and she can already feel the tension forcing her cheeks to flush red when, once again, Doug reminds her of the diet she had said she was going on. Christmas was no excuse, Maddie. She could take the words with a pinch of salt if she didn’t know her husband, if she couldn’t sense the tone of voice and if his nails weren’t digging into her thigh as he spoke.

The 118 aren’t stupid, and she wonders when Doug stopped caring what other people think. She could remember a time when he had been horrified at the sight of police knocking their door but then, suddenly, it didn’t matter anymore. Police could be called, people could be suspicious, the neighbours could glare at him and avoid them… he stopped caring, she supposes, because she stayed. At some point, he had become comfortable in the knowledge that it didn’t matter what he said or what he did, she’d stay. And this entire meal is another test that she’s sure she’s failing because she has barely said a word, she can’t look at the people she considers to be her friends because she’s—

Maddie takes a breath when the realisation hits her – she’s _ashamed_. More so than she has been in a long time because she can feel Athena’s defiant strength from across the table, she can hear the power in Hen’s voice as she talks to her wife and she can’t help but wonder how the two women did it. How they could be so sure of themselves, so happy. It’s not just shame that burns through her, though, it’s jealousy because that had been her once – happy, so certain of herself, so full of hope and belief.

It’s with sudden velocity that she stands up, Doug’s hand being forced from her thigh before he looks up at her. She doesn’t think she can handle another moment of his berating or the satisfied smirk on his face when she doesn’t respond, like he knows he’s won. She doesn’t think she can handle the anger in her brother’s face or the uncomfortable look on Chimney’s or the way Athena keeps glancing over as though she wants to say something…

And a part of Maddie wishes someone would, that just one person would tell him he’s wrong, to leave her alone but she also knows that she’s the one who has to go home with him, it doesn’t matter what anyone says or does, he’d told her over and over again that this only ends one way. She realises he’s looking at her, anger flashing in his face as everyone looks over at them, distracted from their own conversations by the loud noise she had made scraping her chair back and slamming her fork down on her plate as she had stood up. “Sorry, I just—I don’t feel too good, just gonna run to the toilet and then we should go. I want to go home.”

She really doesn’t, but the thought of being around people who maybe at some point had respected her but now knew the truth, is too much. Lesson learnt; behind closed doors was always better, at least the only persons who’s respect she lost there was herself. At least her husband seems satisfied with himself, nodding his head before he stands up too, not even saying thank you to Bobby for cooking before he presses his lips to her cheek, “I’ll wait in the car. Five minutes.”

Maddie’s head nods in understand, five minutes was not take your time, it was not seven minutes, maybe ten. It was if she weren’t out in five minutes, there would be hell to pay, as though there wouldn’t be already. “Thank you, Bobby, it was amazing—sorry.” She shoots an apologetic look towards her brother who does nothing to hide the rage on his face before he turns his attention back to Eddie.

As Doug walks out of the station, she walks towards the bathroom, needing just a second to compose herself before she went home to face whatever Doug had in store for her. Merry Christmas, she supposed, as her fingers fly to the beautiful diamond necklace he had presented her with that morning, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. “Maddie?”

Chimney’s voice interrupts her thoughts as she leans up against the sink, watching his reflection in the mirror as he edges his way into the room with a frown on his face. “You don’t have to go home with him. I-I don’t think you should—”

The bitter laugh that falls from her lips surprises both of them as Maddie turns around to look at him with a shake of her head. “I don’t have a choice.”

“You can come home with me—”

“And what? We live happily ever after? You want to fix me, Howard? You want to make it all better? You can’t. This is my life, my marriage, the man I once loved so much that I left everyone and anyone I ever loved behind to be with him. So, I don’t know what you want from me but this is it for me. This is what I get, this is the life I have.”

Chimney stares at her, desperation before he takes a breath and shakes his head, “That’s not what I meant, Maddie. I just—he doesn’t know where I live, I can take you somewhere else, to someone else. I don’t, I don’t want to fix you, I want to _help_ you. I don’t understand why you stay.”

As she grabs her phone from the side, she can’t stop herself from looking at the time, it’s been four minutes, she has to go. “Me neither.” She whispers, brushing past him as she walks out of the room, wiping at the tears that fall from her eyes as hard as she tries to stop them.

Five minutes, time is up.

.

Maddie can hear Doug screaming on the other side of the door, the walls practically shaking with the intensity of which he slams his fists against the one thing that’s protecting her from him right then. Her entire body trembles, curling up in the furthest corner of the room as she sobs, blood dripping down her face, every breath more effort than the last as her ribs ache and her head spins.

Her grip tightens on the phone she holds so tightly in her hand, looking away from the door at the sound of her name being screamed. Running to the bathroom and locking the door had been her only chance, his anger had been unrivalled to anything she had felt from him before and she had to hide before he killed her. Her hand quivers as she slowly presses those three numbers, she has never dared herself to risk before but she needs him to stop, and she needs help. She needs someone to help her. 

“911, what’s your emergency?”


	5. Chapter 5

Maddie waits for the regret to set in the moment she drops the phone. They’d been together sixteen years, and she can remember the first time he raised his hand to her just under thirteen years ago, she remembers the day well – they _celebrate_ it every single year. Their wedding anniversary. She’d been married to him for thirteen years and it’s not as though every single second had been bad, maybe that would have been easier, maybe she would have left sooner if all she had ever been met with was the other mans anger. He could be loving, his touches could be gentle, he could be romantic and sweet.

On the other hand, he could be the person she was hiding from right then as she wraps her arms tightly around herself, ignoring the pain that reverberates through her body as she does. He’s still screaming on the other side of the door, still seething with anger and she wonders, for a moment, if she can save herself the embarrassment of the paramedics and the police, the neighbours leaving their houses, her colleagues knowing and just open the door. He’d kill her, she’s absolutely certain that if she lets him near her right then, he’s going to kill her.

Maybe he’d do the world a favour and kill himself, too.

It’s only the sirens that pull her from her own thoughts, her heart clenching, her panic rising the closer they get until it’s all she can hear. The banging has stopped, the screaming has stopped, there’s relative silence in the Kendall house until the banging on the bathroom door is replaced with the same sound at their front door. “Baby, you didn’t have to call the police, just let me in so I can help you.” The rage is so quickly and easily replaced by a level of care in his voice that usually forces her to relent and open the door. This time, she finds herself huddling a little closer into the corner of the room, slamming her hands over her ears as she does.

Maddie closes her eyes as tightly as she can, fingers curling around her hair as she shakes her head. She can’t open the door, if she opens the door he’s going to kill her and she doesn’t want to die – does she? She can’t help but think about the shame and guilt she’s going to see in her little brother’s eyes when he finds out, about the gossip that will spread around the hospital when the rumours she knows have already gone around are confirmed. She thinks about having to make police statements, being judged, people wondering why the hell she didn’t just leave. Don’t they think she tried?

Her bottom lip trembles, her hands pressing even tighter against her ear when she hears the knocking on the bathroom door resume. It’s calmer this time, the muffled sound of a female voice coming through instead. “Maddie? Maddie—he’s gone, we really need to check you over. Maddie?”

Slowly, her hands drop onto her knees, as she takes a deep breath and just stares ahead of her. She recognises the voice, she’s heard that voice a hundred times before sitting across from her at the station table or at the other woman’s house. “Maddie, I don’t want to knock down this door but I will if I have to. Do you think you can unlock it for me?”

Maddie doesn’t think she can trust her legs to actually walk over, her movements slow as she crawls over instead, the adrenaline wearing down and the pain rearing its ugly head instead as she reaches a hand out to turn the lock, the movement causing a shooting pain to pulsate through her body. Athena must have waited for the click to sound because the moment it does, the door swings open and arms are wrapped around her. It takes her a moment to respond, the tears falling heavily down her face, mixing with the blood that drips down from her head before she finds herself clutching onto the other woman as though she’s a lifeline.

The police had been called before – although, never by herself – but they had never gotten over the threshold of their front porch. Maddie can’t help but wonder if this will be enough, if maybe, just maybe, she can finally leave him. But then she thinks about going to court and admitting to a room full of people what he had done to her for most of their time together and she feels the paranoia rushing through her. The undeniable fear that people are going to sympathise with her to her face and admit they think she’s stupid behind her back.

Once the sobs start, she can’t stop them. Each one racks her body with such intensity that she can barely breathe and if she wasn’t certain before, she knows now that her ribs are broken and _everything_ hurts. He hadn’t stopped from the moment the door had closed, right up until the point she had managed to scramble her way up the stairs and towards the bathroom, the one room in the entire house that had a lock. The one room she knew she’d be safe.

She can suddenly feel every kick, punch, how he had dragged her from the hallway to the living room by her hair before he had twisted her arm behind her back she was certain she had heard a snap. Maddie can barely remember it hurting when she had locked the door behind her and ran to the furthest corner of the room, but now, it causes a wave of nausea to wash over her as she releases her grip on Athena’s shirt.

“Do you think it’s okay for the paramedics to take care of you now, Maddie?” Her uninjured hand remains gripping onto Athena as her bottom lip trembles and the tears continue to fall. Paramedics mean ambulance and an ambulance means a hospital and if they take her to the hospital, she’ll be wheeled into the ER and there, she’ll have to face the people she’s worked with for years. She knows it’s wrong, to feel ashamed because it’s not _her_ shame to feel, not really. It still burns inside of her though, there’s nothing logical about the thoughts and emotions running through her right then.

Suddenly, the thought of the one person she knows who never once judged her or at least never made her feel as though he was. The kindness in his eyes and the soft touch as he helped her, more than once. “C-can you call Howie?”

“Chimney?” The confusion in the woman’s voice is evident but she nods her head anyway, “I’m going to phone Bobby the moment you’re in the ambulance.” Of course, the 118 are all on shift and Bobby is going to have to pull her brother aside and tell him. What if he hates her? What if he finds out that Chimney _knew_ and hates him? Then she’d be single handily responsible for breaking up his family.

It’s not until Athena moves to pull away that Maddie lets out a whimper, shaking her head as she does, “O-okay, I’m not going anywhere. We’ve got you, Maddie, just keep your eyes open for me, okay? You know the drill.” She does know the drill, better than most, but suddenly her eyes are heavy and her head is pounding and she wonders if she could just sleep, even for a moment, if it would help the increasing pain that pulsates through every inch of her body right then.

“Maddie, open your eyes for me, sweetie. Just—open your eyes.”

.

The darkness doesn’t last long enough before she’s met with the bright lights of a hospital room and she can hear the familiar voices around her as she finds herself willing her body to give into unconsciousness once more. Her body has betrayed her many times before, but none more so than she feels it has right then, as she remains awake, semi-alert to the bustling around her.

The pain burns through her in a way she’s experienced dozens of time before, but this time, laced with the embarrassment that now, everyone knows. _Give in,_ why can’t her body just give in? Maddie closes her eyes as tightly as she can, despite the fact she can hear Dr Murphy to keep them open for her. No, she quickly decides, this wasn’t what she wanted, the whole world knowing her business and the rumours flying around. The news has probably already made its way up to the surgical floor, where Doug’s friends and colleagues can debate what she did to send him over the edge.

Maybe it really was her fault.

Maddie listens to the shouting out of her various injuries, so often remembering the urgency and the anger that often resided in the room whenever one of their own was brought in. She can’t help but wonder if the anger is aimed towards her this time – how could she let his happen? How could she let him take it this far? She was meant to be strong, someone the nurses looked up to as the Charge Nurse. She felt the furthest from strong right then, especially when she hears the hushed words of her best friend, Laurie, in her ear, gentle fingers running through her hair as she tells her it’s going to be okay, they’re going to get her fixed right up, she’ll be bossing them around soon.

She can’t help but wonder if her authority is being called into question now, whether anyone will want to listen to her after witnessing first-hand what goes on behind closed doors. Maddie keeps her eyes closed throughout it all, flitting between the distinct fear of people not believing her or rather, thinking it was her fault (most of the time she felt the same) and the same people blaming her for not leaving sooner, for letting it get this far. The thoughts consume her, whirring through her mind until she can’t really hear anything going on around her and at least, it’s the closest thing to peace she knows she’s going to get.

.

Maddie doesn’t know how much time has passed as she finds herself in a hospital room, thankful they’ve tucked her away in a quieter corner of the hospital, the blinds closed and the door slightly ajar to at least give her some pretence of privacy. The people she works with almost every single day, the people she considers to be friends on some level enter the room in dregs, checking her vitals (she can’t find the energy to tell them that someone else checked them ten minutes before they walked into the room), whispering words of comfort before they leave the room again.

The most at peace she feels is when she’s alone, so completely and utterly alone for the first time in sixteen years. Doug isn’t hovering over her and she doesn’t feel that desperate need to consume herself with everything and everyone good in her life the moment she escapes his watching eyes. For the first time in a long time, not only is she alone but she wants it, she needs it.

There’s a dull pain in her ribs as she remains curled up on her side, her eyes open but unmoving as she just stares out the window. The sun had stopped shining long ago, the sky darkening slowly, so she surmises that Boxing Day is coming to an end and it wasn’t exactly a stark contrast to the way she usually spent the day. Christmas was always the most stressful time of the year; Doug would see a rise in surgical cases and with that rise came an increase in the amount of patients and he lost and with that came those feelings of failure he had so often felt growing up under the strict reign of his father. Maddie wonders if he ever noticed that somewhere along the way, despite his hatred of the man and his desire to prove him wrong in everything he had ever said or done, he had become an exact replica of him.

Doug had always wanted Christmas to be perfect, it was his mother’s favourite holiday (and again, Maddie thinks this is ironic, that a little boy who supposedly loved his mother so much, would grow up to be so much like the man who had caused her so much pain) and Christmas at the Kendall’s house had always been _perfect_. Gingerbread houses, a beautifully decorated tree, their smiling faces on the Christmas cards they’d send to people along with the most expensive gifts he could find to remind everyone else that they were simply better than them. With the obsession for perfection often came the downfall when she had slightly overdone the carrots one year, or the turkey didn’t taste the way his mom used to make it, when a bauble was out of place on the tree or when she forgot to buy him a tie that perfectly matched the colour of the dress she had chosen (despite the fact it was only the two of them sitting down to eat).

It wasn’t a Christmas any different from the ones she had before and it definitely wasn’t the first time she had found herself locked in a bathroom sobbing, bleeding and in pain with him banging on the door. It was just the first time something inside of her had clicked or perhaps shattered, when she realised she couldn’t do it anymore. She didn’t want to do it anymore. Sixteen years of loving Doug Kendall was enough, Maddie wishes she could find it within herself to start loving herself instead.

“M-Maddie?” She doesn’t move at the introduction of a new voice, a fresh vulnerability in it that she’s caused and this is exactly what she had wanted to avoid for so long. Buck was her little brother, she was meant to protect him, she was meant to be the one he could lean on and look up to. Maddie doesn’t have to look at her brother to know he’s crying, she can hear it in his voice and in the way he approaches her apprehensively. She keeps her eyes on the window, focusing instead on a cloud in the sky, although she can see the way his hand is reaching for her in the corner of her eye, recoiling away from the touch before he can.

No, Maddie had decided somewhere between the ER and when they took her up for a CT that she wasn’t worthy of comfort. She didn’t deserve the sympathy in her friends eyes or the guilty looks they kept giving her as though they should have known or should have done something about it. She doesn’t want to listen to their apologies or feel their hands on her skin. “O-okay, no touching, no touching.” It’s the sound of the monitor next to her quickening in its pace that causes her brother to fall back, seeing the distress so clearly in front of him as he bites down on his lip.

He’s blocking her view of the cloud and as much as she longs to tell him to move out of her way, the words won’t come out. She’s not said a word since Athena had walked into the bathroom of the house she shared with her husband and she’s not sure she can. Years of silence leave a pain in her chest she can’t quite describe and she can’t offer anyone the explanation they’re going to need and ask for. “Maddie, why—” And so it begins, she almost wants to laugh because why she would let Doug abuse her for years is a good question and one she doesn’t know the answer to. Buck was her brother, he was always going to be on her side but she’s entirely certain she can see disgust behind the tears in his eyes, confusion, and blame. She was a grown woman with a good job, friends and a family who loved her, why the hell wouldn’t she leave Doug unless she wanted it? “—wouldn’t you tell me? I could have done something, I could have… I would have done something… I-I don’t understand, Maddie. I thought you trusted me, I thought—” 

There’s silence for a few minutes, before she hears another voice behind her, one she’s heard many times before and sought solace in. “Maybe now isn’t the best time, Buck.” It cuts her brother off at least, as he glances up at the man she now knows is behind her, her fingers curling over the edge of the cast that covers her arm and hand. She wonders if her brother knows yet that Chimney knew exactly what was going on, but when she sees the way he looks at his friend, the person he considers to be like an older brother to him, she knows that nugget of information is yet to be released. She hopes it stays that way, she can’t let him lose anyone else he loves. She loves her brother, he has a forgiving heart but he’s proven himself time and time again that when it comes to someone hurting the people he loves, that forgiveness goes out the window.

Buck only takes a deep breath, nodding his head as he wipes at the tears that are so quickly replaced by fresh ones seconds later. “I have a lot of questions Maddie, that I know you might not be ready to answer for a while but… I-I really need to hear the answers… when you’re ready.” Despite the fact she had flinched away from him before, this time, when her brother’s hand moves towards her, to brush her hair softly from her face, she remains still, finally allowing her eyes to meet his. “I’m so proud of you.”

Maddie’s heart clenches, tears stinging at her own eyes as she only gives a timid nod of her head in response – the love in his voice, the determination… Maddie knows even if she _wanted_ to, it’s too late to ever go running back into her husband’s arms. Her brother had always protected her, he’d just have to protect her from herself this time. “I-I’m going to get some coffee and then I’m not leaving your side. Even if it’s just to sit here and stare out the window…” She can’t help but wonder when she got so lucky that her parents decided to try for a second child, unknowing and unwilling to find out what she would have done without her brother who was seven years her junior.

When he leaves, the position he had taken is easily replaced by Chimney who pulls a chair from the corner of the room as close to her bedside as he can possibly get it. His hand falls onto the bed next to hers when he sits, letting her make the first move which, seconds later, she finds herself doing. Her uninjured hand settling into his as she bites down on her lip and watches his face carefully, wondering what is going through his mind. He looks tired, as though he hasn’t slept in a while and she supposes he hasn’t. The 118 had been on shift when everything had happened and she knows Laurie had to hold her brother back from rushing into the room hours ago, when she wasn’t quite as calm as she felt right then and visitors were the last thing she needed. Perhaps Chimney had stayed there with him from the moment they had gotten the call the night before right up until then.

“I’m proud of you, too. I know phoning for help couldn’t have been easy but I’m glad you did.” She had feared he would hate her for their conversation the day before, when she had accused him of trying to fix her but there he is. An uncertain smile on his face as his thumb brushes over the back of her hand and she manages to push back the overwhelming question that has so often built inside of her when she’s around him – what does he want from her? Because she’s not sure she can give him anything and that makes her hate herself even more because if she’s not giving, then she’s just taking everything from him and that’s not fair. That’s no friendship.

Maddie still finds comfort in the fact he’s there though, unshed tears in his eyes as he just stares at her. “You’re safe now, Maddie, try and get some rest. Buck and I are right here.”

She wonders how he knew, gently squeezing his hand before her eyes fall to a close for the first time since she had been wheeled into the room hours before. Safe. She supposes that’s the best feeling she could possibly ask for, or at least it’s the closest she’s felt to hope in a long time. 


End file.
